I Bow to the Master

When I was in high school, I met a charming young woman who would become one of my best friends and my creative mentor. Erin McNally, as she is yet called, is to this day the master of prose, and I asked her permission to share this gem with you all. Let's just say that everything she writes is not only this funny, but true, which makes it even better. She posted this story on Facebook a few days ago, and in the hopes that she will start her own blog to share her life with the world, I introduce you all to the master:

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures...

Ok. This is an unfortunate story that I can't believe I'm about to share on facebook, but nonetheless, here we go. I almost think I need to write it down just so I can fully appreciate the ridiculousness - but then that's the charm in me =)

It happened on a typical Thursday......my day was running along as planned, waking up after next-to-nothing sleep, school, rehearsal, all the usual insanity. As I'm driving home, looking forward to a little Grey's Anatomy to break up the monotony that is homework, and I decide I have a hankering for girl scout cookies. I mean, who doesn't love a thin mint? This should be a relatively easy task to accomplish, seeing as I have been watching overly eager young ladies virtually throwing boxes of cookies at any available passerby from every other street corner for the past two weeks. This is where our seemingly innocent little tale begins to spiral out of control. For starters, I never have cash with me. I don't know what I would do if the world suddenly rejected the idea of the debit card. So I pit stop at the house to scrounge for change - between my 'street parking' jar, the bottom of my purse, and various jacket pockets, I actually managed to come up with just under $11.00 (note to self - keep better track of loose money......) so I hop back in the car and drive the 3 minutes to the local grocery store, only to find.....no girl scouts! At 4:15pm! What is up with that? school's out people, let's get a move on! There's no room for slacking in Brownies! Now that I'm involved, I can't go home empty handed, so I proceed to drive by not one, but two additional grocery stores, and NOTHING! Where is everybody? On every other day, I can't escape the screams of "GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!" echoing from all over town, and then when I actually attempt to contribute, there is not a girl scout to be found. Needless to say, as a former girl scout myself, I find this level of dedication highly disappointing. By the time I make it all the way back home, barely able to concentrate on anything but visions of Samoas, I have crazily come to the conclusion that I just must have been a smidge hasty.....if anyone understands about homework, it's certainly me.......so I settle in at the piano, resolving to try again later. As if all of this hadn't already gotten completely out of control already, I actually went back to the first store I originally tried around 6pm, thinking that maybe the cookie sellers work in shifts and I might still get lucky. Of course, I show up there and surprise, surprise, not a girl scout to be found. I'm already at the store, that $11 burning a hole in my pocket, so I went right over the edge and picked myself up a 2 liter of Sprite (oh yeah baby, you know how I roll...) and a 12 pack of toilet paper that I had been meaning to purchase for awhile and that happened to be on an excellent sale. After all this, I'm heading out to my car, and what suddenly materializes before me?? That's right, freakin' GIRL SCOUTS!! Those tricksy little devils had shown up late and I had just spent all my cash on TP! I actually stood in the parking lot, cursing my timing, all the while being taunted by the object of my affection, until finally, I realized........the solution was right in front of me. I marched right back into the store and returned my toilet paper. Who needs it? (I can always borrow some if I get desperate, right?) As luck would have it, the customer service lady was the very same individual that I had harassed earlier about when the cursed cookie sellers were supposed to arrive, so I get the feeling she saw through my casual "uh, I decided i don't really need this....." approach. Not to be deterred, I walked right back out again and bought my Samoas and Thin mints, half a box of which I promptly consumed (without help......yikes). After coming down off my cookie high, and fully realizing that I had just returned toilet paper purchased moments before in exchange for girl scout cookies, I realized, this is how they get you. Some brilliant (albeit overly obsessed) troop leader decided long ago that if they only sell these things once a year that people won't be able to help themselves, and the girl scouts will be rolling in dough. And I fell for their evil little plan. I have effectively contributed to their eventual world domination - it's only a matter of time - and there I'll be - coconut and chocolate a plenty, but not a TP square in sight! Crap! (excuse the overly obvious punnage....I simple couldn't help myself) It's definitely back to baking for me.