I am unusually emotional today. Okay, maybe that's not so unusual for this pregnancy, but since I miscarried a few months before I became pregnant again, I find that certain things affect me more than they used to. I have a much more cautious outlook and find it a daily struggle to maintain faith over fear that whatever happens with this pregnancy, with Gavin, and my family in general is for the best, and all these things are in the Lord's hands.
A few days ago, a childhood friend of my family lost her firstborn son, 8 weeks old, to SIDS. He simply went to sleep at night and did not wake up the next day. I just found out about it today, and it has made me not only ache for her but really think about my greatest fear: losing my child...or children. I understand the principles of the gospel and the incredible comfort it is to know that these children are not lost and we can be with them forever, but to not see Gavin's little face every day and to hear him "read" Monster Mess and Love You Forever to me...I can't think about it.
I felt like I had to write something, anything, as a sort of cathartic way to help me deal with these feelings today, so I apologize for the heaviness of this post. As a parting comment, please go kiss your babies. When mine wakes up from his nap, we're going to read Monster Mess together until I never forget how his little voice sounds. And then I'm going to start thinking of a much lighter post!
12 years ago
4 comments:
That is just tragic! I will say that I was the same way. All through my pregnancy I was terrified of losing her and now that my little girl is here I worry every night that I put her down that somehow she won't be with me in the morning.
Best of luck with this pregnancy my dear and God bless your precious family!
We love you. Heavy posts and all!
I can certainly empathize with you. I am most certainly blessed (if you can call it that) with the Grandma Roberts curse of stewing. I worry about everything! I so appreciate everyday with my boys, considering how they entered into this world. This is why we have a video camera, so we can not only have pictures but sound of their sweet voices singing out of key "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with their dad. I'd kiss you too, but the distance is a bummer! I will when I see you.
Dear Brittny:
Your solemn words grip all our
hearts. Life is an experience
of joys and hurts, and our
Savior knows all about it!
It will clear, Brit; it will clear!
Love you dearly,
GM & Gp
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